I have quite a few loved ones (including myself) who suffer from trauma and PTSD like symptoms. In my experience, trauma is this thing that keeps me from being who I want to be. Trauma makes me have big reactions to things that should be safe.
Trauma also has a big effect on my nutrition. Which is why I think it’s important to address Trauma on a Keto blog. There is too much to say to put in one post. Today, I think I’ll stick to Big-T Trauma and little-t trauma.
Big-T Trauma
This is the trauma most people think about when they think about PTSD (post taumatic stress disorder). A big, scary life-threatening thing happened to this person. And for some people, they get triggered into reliving that experience over and over again.
Most people accept, that a person who went through a big trumatic experience would struggle at least for a little while. It’s a great deal harder to accept that a person may struggle for a prolonged period of time.
Sometimes helping and understanding can turn into blaming and shaming, when compassion fatigue sets in. Rather than saying, “I can’t control this. I’ve given what I can for now. I need to rest.” A caretaker or loved one may say, “I did all I could. I don’t think you are doing enough. You’ll never get better. I’m cutting you off. You are too costly. You are too much of a burden.” Response number 1 is boundaried, compassionate, and frankly emotionally vulnerable. Response number 2 is what happens when a person does not have the tenacity to hold to a boundary, and uses shame to protect themselves instead.
I have been the loved one/ caregiver, and both sets of things have escaped from my mouth. Trauma is one of those things that tests every limit, so no person is going to get it right the first time (or first 1000 times). I try the best I can to use response number 2 when I am close to burnout. When I am refreshed and available, I try to use response number 3, “I know you didn’t cause this. Your body is just responding the way it was designed to. This is neuro-biological. Anyone who went through ALL the things you went through would likely respond this way. You are not defective. You are still loved.”
little-t trauma
I wish that this type of trauma was easier to deal with, but it’s not.
Little-t trauma is when small stimuli build up over time. A slow drip, drip, drip that builds. The nervous system responds to the signal of “I’m not safe!” I have two personal experiences that taught me how debilitating this can be. I hope that by sharing, someone can relate and feel less alone.
Story 1:
I was pregnant. I already had a strong sense of smell (thank you ADHD) and pregnancy made it even stronger. For whatever reason, during pregnancy #4 I had a day with an intense sense of smell. It lasted only 12 hours or so, but it debilitated me. The smell so occupied my attention, I could barely speak. The only thing I could say to my husband was, “Too many smells. I can’t.” and then later, “I can smell my lips.”
I locked myself in my room. I tried to distract myself by watching videos on my phone, until that stopped working. I laid down on my bed, and tried to block out light and sound. At points in time, stiming by rocking seemed to help. I can imagine what that would look like from the outside. It must have looked like I was lazy, or over-reacting, or something. Eventually it passed and I could function again.
I was studying Autistic Self Advocacy at the time. I came to the conclusion that if I had tried to learn anything while in that state, I would not have been able to. The only reason I could speak was because I had aquired language BEFORE I had a sensory problem. I can’t imagine what it would be like to go through that during the time I was trying to aquire language. It gave me a sense of compassion for those struggling with communication. (Which may be for many reasons, not just sensory input.)
It also helped me to be more considerate to those struggling with eating certain foods. Smells, scent, or texture can make certain foods impossible to eat or drink. This isn’t a moral failing (picky eater). This is real and it’s important to validtate it and work with it.
Story 2:
Not too long after, I got an ear infection, or eat infections. I had it in both ears. One ear was more full of fluid than the other.
From my understanding of music and physics, I’m guessing the medium that the sound was traveling thorough was different in both ears: different medium – different speeds. Speed of sound has an indirect impact on (the frequency) the pitch of the sound, but can change the pitch. This is like when you have a sudden cold front of weather, and then you try to warm up a choir or orchestra, and everyones tone is inexplicably flat. (No? Just me?)
My point is, all the sounds were coming at different times, different speeds, and slightly different pitches. It was terrible! I couldn’t stand the sound of my children’s voices. All the music I listened to sounded like a warbled recording on a cassette. My husband tried multiple genres on me. The only one that was passable was Dance/Techno music. And it didn’t sound as full and deep as it usually does for me. My husband was delighted. It seems my music preferences matched his exactly.
That got us thinking. How is he experiencing sound? How is that impacting his fight/flight/freeze response? When I was dealing with sound sensitivity, I would get overloaded quickly. I felt on edge all the time. Then, when my ears were back to normal, I went back to normal (for me anyway.)
I imagine that sound has a very important part to play in survival – hearing a predator in the bushes and all that. It makes sense that sound-sensory problems would create a constant feeling of, “I’m not safe.”
To help my husband (and some of my other children who take after their dad) we tried out different ear plugs. We still haven’t found the ‘one right way’ to deal with this problem, but we are aware and try to work with it.
Little t-trauma can also be things that other people do. Someone calling me “stupid” once is not traumatic. Being called “stupid” on a regular, continuing basis can be. I can even do it to myself.
Validation
The biggest help I’ve recieved to help me deal with trauma, is to hear stories from other people. As they share their stories, the shame and isolation disapates. My experiences are validated. I start understand how my biological responses to stimuli affect my choices and actions. I can make better choices, because I know what needs protection and where my limits are.