In my last post (“Try Harder” Doesn’t Work). I referenced the saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” and a more modern phrase “If at first you don’t succeed, try a different plan.”
Often, a different plan works really well. But, sometimes I try to make a new, perfect, can’t-fail plan before I move my feet. I often try to think of new plans when I am trying to avoid the work. ^_^
When to Use “Try, Try Again”
I’ve watched “try, try again” work for babies learning to walk. When I think about what’s going on, I realize that every failed attempt to walk is making them stronger: strengthening their muscles, improving their balance, giving their nervous system feedback, etc. This is how they learn a new skill.
I also notice, that the way they fall is tumbly, and they are short and close to the ground, so the risk is usually low. (Incidentally, I recently heard an ER doctor joke, “coffee tables should be illegal” when talking about falling hazards.) Assuming the environment is safe, a baby can get back up again from a fall.
I think about how that applies to me.
“Try try again” works when
- I’m learning a new skill,
- The environment is safe,
- I’m strengthened by each attempt,
- It doesn’t take too long to recover from a ‘fall’.
How To Make “Try, Try Again” Work Better
When I lay it out like that, I realize that to make it work better, I could
- Make it about learning a new skill, not being perfect
- Find/ create a safer environment for ‘falls’
- Strength training exercises for my metaphorical muscles
- Practice ‘falling’ in a tumbly way (check out this post)
- Have a plan on how to recover from a fall
I’m About to Use More Bullet Points
Are you ready? This is the part where I ask you questions because I want you to have a chance to personalize it. I can speak from my own experience, but your thoughts and experiences and the way they relate to all this – that’s what’s going to make the biggest difference. Pick one question that really sticks out to you. Then write, talk to a friend, pace around your house until your children tell you to stop (just me?), whatever your process is.
- When is a different plan helpful, and when is it making you go in circles?
- Watch a baby learning a new skill. What helps them to be resilient in the face of failure?
- Have you set up any of the ‘falling hazards’ in your environment?
- If “try, try again” is not safe right now, what can you do today to get closer to safety?
- What action(s) would help you grow your metaphorical muscles?
- Who are your cheerleaders?
- What boundaries keep you from falling too far or too hard?
- What does recovering from a fall (recovery) look like for you?