When “Try, Try Again” Does Work

In my last post (“Try Harder” Doesn’t Work). I referenced the saying, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” and a more modern phrase “If at first you don’t succeed, try a different plan.”

Often, a different plan works really well. But, sometimes I try to make a new, perfect, can’t-fail plan before I move my feet. I often try to think of new plans when I am trying to avoid the work. ^_^

When to Use “Try, Try Again”

I’ve watched “try, try again” work for babies learning to walk. When I think about what’s going on, I realize that every failed attempt to walk is making them stronger: strengthening their muscles, improving their balance, giving their nervous system feedback, etc. This is how they learn a new skill.

I also notice, that the way they fall is tumbly, and they are short and close to the ground, so the risk is usually low. (Incidentally, I recently heard an ER doctor joke, “coffee tables should be illegal” when talking about falling hazards.) Assuming the environment is safe, a baby can get back up again from a fall.

I think about how that applies to me.
“Try try again” works when

• I’m learning a new skill,
• The environment is safe,
• I’m strengthened by each attempt,
• It doesn’t take too long to recover from a ‘fall’.

How To Make “Try, Try Again” Work Better

When I lay it out like that, I realize that to make it work better, I could

• Make it about learning a new skill, not being perfect
• Find/ create a safer environment for ‘falls’
• Strength training exercises for my metaphorical muscles
• Practice ‘falling’ in a tumbly way (check out this post)
• Have a plan on how to recover from a fall

I’m About to Use More Bullet Points

Are you ready? This is the part where I ask you questions because I want you to have a chance to personalize it. I can speak from my own experience, but your thoughts and experiences and the way they relate to all this – that’s what’s going to make the biggest difference. Pick one question that really sticks out to you. Then write, talk to a friend, pace around your house until your children tell you to stop (just me?), whatever your process is.

• When is a different plan helpful, and when is it making you go in circles?
• Watch a baby learning a new skill. What helps them to be resilient in the face of failure?
• Have you set up any of the ‘falling hazards’ in your environment?
• If “try, try again” is not safe right now, what can you do today to get closer to safety?
• What action(s) would help you grow your metaphorical muscles?
• Who are your cheerleaders?
• What boundaries keep you from falling too far or too hard?
• What does recovering from a fall (recovery) look like for you?