Giving feels good, but so does receiving. Both are connecting. Letting someone do something good for you – and receiving it, embracing it – helps you to feel seen and heard. It also hepls the giver feel seen and heard. They put together a gift, or compliment, or whatever, and to see it embraced … it makes it feel like the effort was honored.
Giving and receiving also is seen by the community of belonging that you are part of. When I see giving and receiving in my own safe havens, I feel more secure. I think it’s because I feel like my needs will be met, and my offering will be accepted. My bid for connection will be answered with loving kindness.
A Word About Boundaries
I’m also going to mention, that this should never excuse or ignore boundary breaking. Boundaries are the foundation of trust. Boundaries should always be based on honoring the infinite worth of both people involved, and preserving the agency of both as well. Agency can grow in both parties through connectedness and collaboration. However, forcing yourself to receive a gift does not lead to closeness, connection, security, or trust. It is okay to say “no” to a gift that is really a trap.
Gifts, compliments, and service is safe to recieve when it seeks to communicate, “I see you. I hear you. You mean something to me.” Giving that communicates those things, will always respect healthy boundaries. Receiving can also communicate those things. It too will always respect healthy boundaries.
Questions for You
- Would you be more willing to give compliments knowing they will be received well?
- What kind of script (that you would write for yourself) would help you to better receive?
- If it is easier to tell people that you are grateful after you have a moment to process your emotions, what will you say to help set correct expectations? (Sometimes I don’t like the pressure of giving a reaction in the moment either.)
- What inner judgments do you have against people who give and people who receive?