I was recently challenged to “end personal conflicts”. How can I expect nations to end earth shattering conflicts if I don’t practice ending conflict in my own life? Aren’t nations just made up of people? How will nations ever come to respect each other on an international level, if people inside the nations can’t respect the people in their personal lives? I know I can’t influence world events, not really. (little drop, BIG bucket) But, I know I can at least try to influence events in my own life. That seems like a good place to put my energy.
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My Resistance to Ending Conflicts
I’m motivated to do the challenge. I love the idea of the challenge. I just have some problems.
You see, I have had realtionships that were abusive in nature. I have relationships where I am willing to respect the other person’s boundaries, but they are not willing to respect mine. So I needed to lay down an even stronger boundry of not talking to them. It is a boundary I feel a lot of peace around. I was really worried that “ending conflict” meant that I had to reconcile with those individuals and start talking to them again. I think that is my real problem: I think I’m defining “ending conflict” wrong.
Ending Inner Conflict
Holding firm boundaries that respect the agency of both parties IS one way to end conflict. The peace I feel from holding my boundary is one of the fruits of ending conflict. Allowing myself to be exposed to demeaning words or behavoir to “keep the peace” was causing a lot of internal conflict. That conflict was spewing out all over the place onto innocent bystanders. Not holding my boundaries lead to internal conflicts with my dearly held beliefs in the value of human beings and the value of agency. If I believe everyone has deep intrinsic value (including myself) then I will do what I can to protect people (including myself) from demeaning behavior.