I remember how I was told to “take time for myself”. And when I binge-watched a series or fell down the YouTube rabbit hole, that’s what I said to myself. “I’m just taking time for me.” Well… It is very clear to me now, that not all Self-Care is created equally.
All the binge watching made me feel kind of numb. Physically, I felt buzzy in my skin, kind of like when you foot falls asleep, but kind of not. It’s hard to describe. When I walked away from a challenge or a fight, and then when to my phone to “chill”, I didn’t come back better able to handle the situation. If anything I was worse. It’s like I was able to forget the feelings while the screen was on, but the moment I walked away, all the heightened, survival emotion came right back.
Then I did a media fast. I carefully selected what I would watch and what I would not. I learned ways to cope (even using my phone) that actually reconnected me to my core values. I noticed that I was more refreshed, more calm, and more loving in my approach, when I came back to a tense situation.
And then the fast ended, and I was starting to incorporate some of the old stuff back in. And I started to get sucked in again.
But my husband noticed. He expressed his concern. He said that he felt it was sad to watch my light dim. He made absolutely sure to express that he would support me in whichever way I decided to go with this.
I considered what I wanted for my life. Where I wanted to spend my time. What filled me up. And binge watching was not it.
I can honestly say that I am happier. I still get stuck on YouTube, I still love a good streaming series, but I’m aware of what it does. I don’t stay there very long. And every once in a while, I do a fast. It helps me reset. (It actually does help reset the dopamine receptors.) Saying “No” has given me room to say an enthusiastic “Yes” to the things that are dear to my heart. That is true Self-Care.