When you plan on rewarding yourself, here are a few pitfalls to look out for:
Bad Behavior as a Reward
Let’s play mad libs – If I avoid [name a negetive behavior] for [number] [unit of time], then I get to do [same negetive behavior, just bigger]. Example: “If I avoid junk food for 3 months, then I’m going to have a whole junk food weekend”.
The behavior that you want to encourage is not just an action – it’s a skill. Rewarding yourself with bad behavior weakens that skill. I’m not saying that you can never have junk food again (if that is your goal). I’m saying that the skill is to be in charge and in control of when it happens. Binging is a loss of control and does not help. Also, sometimes you really don’t need something in your life. It is so freeing to have the skill of walking away from something that can hurt you.
Also watch out for using a different vice to reward yourself. “Retail Therapy” is not really therapy.
Rewards You Don’t Have Access to
In here go the things that you can’t give yourself. The biggest carrot on a stick that I see is, “If I’m good enough, then they will love me.” or “If I’m thin enough, then they will accept me.” The reverse of these statements is telling: “I’m not enough, so I shouldn’t have love. If I push myself THEN I will deserve love” or “I’m not thin enough to belong.”
It is very damaging to motivate anyone this way. Especially yourself.
Rewards that are never enough
Funny thing about using a dopamine hit to motivate – It doesn’t last long. The reward needs to be ever increasing, until it’s too big to obtain. To find out more about dopamine, read “The 4 C’s of Happiness“.
What does work?
Rewards based on believeing that you are already enough. Rewards based on celebrating the skills you are gaining. Rewards that increase your ability to choose and make future choices. Rewasrds based on recognizing the desirable natural consequences. Rewards that get you past the wall of awful so that you can get to the good natural consequences. Rewards that nourish you. Rewards that help you to feel the joy in the journey.