What are Your Boundaries Protecting?

Today I will be attending my support group. I love attending. It is so good to be around people who support me in my goals AND respect my autonomy/ agency. They are a safe place to speak my shame and receive empathy.

Today’s topic is Boundaries. I wanted to share with you some of the questions we will go over:

• How do your boundaries help you feel safe and well?
• How do your boundaries help you show love to yourself? To others?
• How can you appropriately respond to a loved one who repeatedly fails to respect boundaries you set?
• What can you do to show commitment to your relationships by maintaining clear limits?
• How does maintaining boundaries help you preserve your self-worth?

You Protect What you Value

In my other posts about boundaries (here and here), the focus was on compulsive eating. “How do I stop myself?” was the underlying question. I think a better focus is “How am I protecting myself?” or, “What am I protecting myself from?” or, “What do I feel is worth protecting?”

For me when I binge, I AM protecting myself. I’m protecting myself from feeling hungry or memories associated with feeling hungry. I’m protecting myself from emotions like boredom, rejection, anticipatory anxiety, shame, loneliness, deep loss, et cetera. Those emotions are real, and scary. If the thing I value is avoiding feelings, then binging IS how I enforce my boundary.

So what happens when I change what I value? If I value emotional healing and wellness, then I realize that I need to actually feel my emotions. I don’t need to be stuck in my emotions, but I do need to feel them. I start protecting my wellbeing by reaching out to others. They validate my feelings and eventually the painful emotion seems manageable. I start protecting my wellbeing by lifting others up. I start protecting my wellbeing by saying “no” to the things I won’t do, so that I can have a stronger “yes” to the things that I really want to do. I protect my wellbeing by thoroughly enjoying the types of food that support my wellbeing. I don’t need to overeat. I don’t need to stop myself from eating. I get help when it’s too much.